The Sage-ing^® Guild

Hollis, James. Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life: How to Finally, Really Grow Up. Gotham, 2006. ISBN 1592402070. Reviewed by Judith Helburn.

Because I lead workshops and classes in Sage-ing® or positive aging, I have a book shelf full of books on getting it right as we grow older. Many of those books refer to Carl Jung, one of the major figures in the development of psychology, either in passing or in some greater depth. Why Jung and not Freud? Perhaps because, Carl Jung believed that religion, spirituality or the numinous helped us become the best humans we could possibly be. While Sigmund Freud felt that religion was a crutch.

James Hollis bases his entire book on the writings of Jung. Hollis is a Jungian analyst and executive director of the C.G. Jung Educational Center in Houston Texas. He has written a book that lay persons can understand, a book which reveals a way of uncovering and embracing our authentic selves.

In his Introduction, he writes of Aeschylus, the first Greek tragedian, who observes "that the gods ordained a solemn decree that from suffering alone comes wisdom. [It] brings greater dignity and depth to our lives, and we are blessed by the spiritual enlargement that is its byproduct." If you are like me, you don't want to suffer. It's too hard. And we sometimes will not even acknowledge that we have suffered. But if we look at our friends and those others who have suffered, [if not at ourselves] we see that often, they have become more compassionate or more loving or more understanding because they have gone through a difficult time. Consider how many of our drug counselors have been addicts, themselves.

He continues, "We all live with expensive ghosts in memory's unmade bed, for what we do not remember remembers us nonetheless." And, in the second half of life, we have the time to look at those unresolved issues and let go of them. Now, in the second half of life, we have time to live as who we are, not as who our parents or our society had expected us to be. We have time to be conscious. Not that we have to be conscious all of the time. I'm not. Are you?

If we accept the challenge to move towards authenticity in the second half of our lives, we will find ourselves, sometimes in a state of anxiety or ambiguity because we are entering unknown territory. We are leaving the comfort of knowing what to expect—both good and bad. We, as children, Hollis says, are often overwhelmed. We are powerless. In addition, we often can not meet our own needs. We are dependent. So we try to please others who can explain and who can meet our needs. We carry this into our adult lives. We can not help it. However, at some point, our Self, which demands meaning, challenges our ego which wishes for comfort and security.

If we do not listen to our Self, we might well enter a state of depression. Hollis says, "All of us, even while functioning at a high level, will carry pockets of depression, for parts of our psychological nature will have been thwarted, remain unfed, unacknowledged, unloved." So being depressed is a sign placed in front of us telling us to pay attention and dig around in this bleak garden. For who knows what seed is waiting beneath the dark soil to push up and bloom? The second half of life is a time to relinquish identity "with property, roles, status, provisional" selves.

Depression is not a barrier to change. It is an invitation to change. However, there are barriers over which we must struggle such as complexes, described in detail by Hollis. "Standing up to our fear is, perhaps, the most critical decision necessary in the governance of life and the recovery of the soul's agenda." Hollis devotes other chapters to intimate relationships as well as family relationships, and to career vs. vocation.

Finally, Hollis guides us towards wholeness. He warns that we must listen to our many selves; the child, the wise old man or woman, the fool, the student, the achiever and others because they all have lessons for us to learn. He cautions us that we must be aware of our choices and choose the one which harms ourselves and others the least. No one else can tell us which choice is best for us. "Am I made larger, or smaller, by this path, this relationship, this decision?..." "We are not summoned to perfection; that is the realm of the gods; we are rather called to mindfulness."

Hollis chooses marvelous quotations from Jung and literature as well. He writes well and approaches each points from varying angles. Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life is a helpful, thoughtful guide for anyone who wants to be the best that he or she can be.