Background to the Prism
by Rosalie Muschal-ReinhardtWhen I was growing up, the world was presented to me in terms of black and white. Everything in life was "either" one way "or" the opposite. Things were black or white, right or wrong, good or bad, etc. In some ways, this worldview made life a bit pleasant. There was a security in knowing what was either "this" or "that." As I began to mature, there were so many experiences that did not seem black or white, but rather shades of gray. As I reflected on my experiences, it seems as though the security of what was "right" and what was "wrong" began to chip away. I became most anxious about making changes in one of my perceptions of life and its meaning.
As I understood my self as a person, it seems as though I saw my self as a one-dimensional person. That did not fit my experience. So often I felt opposite feelings. In those historical times, I just assumed that something was wrong with me. It never dawned on me to even suggest that there was something wrong with the world perspective of life as either/or.
About the same time in my journey, Al, my husband asked me what I really wanted for Christmas. I told him that I wanted a prism to hang in the living-room bay window so it would reflect rainbows on the wall. Every morning I would stare at the Prism. I was a very confused woman and I was trying to make sense of how my experiences of life were not at all like the one-dimensional worldview of human beings.
After a short period of time, I realized that the Prism gave me a new perspective. In actuality, I heard it say something to me. Now, I was convinced that there was indeed something very wrong with me.
I took the Prism down from the window and began using it as a reflection tool on my own self. I drew a prism on a blank sheet of paper. And sure enough, as I looked at who I was and who I was becoming the various facets of the Prism had opposite terms in them.
What a sigh of relief for me! My life was not either/or. It was both/and and I wanted to add a third part so it would not be another dualistic model. So I added to both/and and more/than. So I wrote words like happy and sad, angry and joyful, clarity and confusion, patient and inpatient, peaceful and violent. By adding "and more than" I was saying that I did not want to be defined by any one of these sets of opposites.
Therefore, it was very easy to understand that who I was as a human being was a paradox—a combination of opposites. Once I accepted that I found life to be so much more joyous and I became more energetic.
I also began to understand that not only was I a paradox, so were other people in my life. This indeed, was a revelation that improved my relationships greatly. If I accepted my self in the image of Prism, I needed to accept others as a Prism. It was also so easy to define another in a one-dimensional manner. What changed if they were also "prism" persons? I can tell you, a lot changed. It empowered me to be much more tolerant and accepting of the diversity among all human beings.
It occurred to me to ask the question, "Are events of life also both/and/more than?" Well I asked a great number of people over a period of twenty years, "Tell me an event in your life that was either/or?" I did learn quickly that if one is in the middle of the event at the time I asked them, it could be a definite either/or experience.
Over all that time no one could give me an example of an event (after there was enough time to reflect upon it) that was just either/or. I recall some answers were "Oh, when my mother died, it was just purely a sad experience, but then you know, my mother was suffering so much and I was so relieved and actually happy that her suffering was over." How clearly it became a both/and/more/than event. Many other categories of events were loosing a job, divorcing one's spouse, even graduating from college.
I then realized that all experiences and events have many different thoughts and feelings attached to them. Said another way, each gain produced a loss and each loss provided a gain. Therefore, our lives have been in a cyclical manner, rather than a rigid either/or; it is more flowing through different and opposite experiences.
It became clear that when one looks at life in this manner, that for every gain there is a loss and for every loss there is a gain. It has been that way all of our lives. Listed it might look like this:
| Gains |
Losses |
| Toddler |
Infancy |
| Child |
Toddler |
| Teen |
Child |
| Young Adult |
Teen |
| Adult |
Young Adult |
| Middle-Age Adult |
Adult |
| Older Adult |
Middle-age Adult |
| Elder |
Older Adult |
Therefore, life is not a linear line, but rather cycle of life stages that we move through. A brainstorming session might help us all reflect on events that reflect the both/and/more than of life.
- Marriage
- Graduation
- Changing Jobs
- Having a Baby
- Divorce
- Move (as in homes)
- Move (as in Jobs)
These are just a few of the events that people have come up with.
One can see how these ideas tie in with Spiritual Eldering®. In the Cycles of Life Exercises, one becomes aware of the events and people that had an impact on them. One can use the concept of both/and/more/than in Life Review as we reflect on our past. How would the dying process be affected if we saw it as a Prism experience. Questions like "When we die, do we end all of life or is it a different beginning?" If our lives reflect the Prism, would reflecting on dying result in the same multi-faceted beginning? It certainly requires dialogue and reflection!
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