Models and Mentors
by Sister Mary Thill
Some people,
no matter how old they get,
never lose their beauty—
they merely move it from their faces
into their hearts.
—Martin Buxbaum
May is Older Americans month so I've decided to devote this column to some of the older Americans I've known in my lifetime. As the quote from Martin Buxbaum says, some older folks have moved their beauty from their faces to their hearts, but I think that the beauty has always been in their hearts and I happen to think that the faces of the elders are beautiful in a special way. I have a picture of one of the Sisters in my religious order who was the longest lived member when she died (some thought she was 107) and I have a quote from Joseph Campbell right next to her picture which reads, "Like a white candle in a holy place, so is the beauty of an aged face."
Several older Sisters in my religious order have been dear friends and mentors. When I was a young Sister, I became good friends with an older member who was in charge of serving guests when they came to visit at the convent. Those were the days when not many people were allowed to visit, and when they did, they did not eat with us. We served them in a separate dining area. My job for a few summers was to help Sister Pancratia serve the guests. I was impressed with her gracious hospitality to the guests, many of whom she did not know but who remembered her graciousness many years after their visit with us.
I had the privilege of meeting Maggie Kuhn, the Convener of the Gray Panthers, when she came to Toledo to give a lecture at Lourdes College in the 1980's. Maggie believed that older adults should devote at least some of their later years to the betterment of society. She did not advocate for older adults but for everyone who needed better health care, financial resources, living conditions, access to whatever they needed for humane and human living. She herself was a model of someone who lived in a non-related intergenerational household where interdependence was what held the household together. Everyone pitched in with whatever resources, skills and talents were needed. Maggie could baby sit while someone else did the grocery shopping and while someone did the cooking, someone else mowed the lawn. I remember her saying to the older people in the audience that they should stop feeling sorry for themselves if their family was no longer available to them. She encouraged them to go out and find a new family, create one as she did, and continue being involved in life and living.
Another influence in my life came from an elder right here in our fair city of Toledo, Eleanor Kahle. Our paths crossed for the first time when I called her to ask if I could bring a class of gerontology students to visit and tour the Senior Center she helped establish near the Jeep Plant off Willys Parkway. She graciously greeted us and led the tour herself, sharing with the students and me her hopes and dreams for the center. It was located in the Shelter House of the park and grew three times in the years that she was the director. Eleanor went on to become a City Council member while still keeping her involvement in the senior center as well as acting as a spokesperson for the needs of seniors in the Toledo area. Eleanor taught me that much could be accomplished with good will, a sense of purpose and a tenacity that comes from having raised seven children after the early death of her husband. She also relied on her faith community and the many friends she had within her church.
In the thirty-four years I've worked professionally with older adults, and over my entire lifespan, I have had the privilege of getting to know many wonderful elders who have contributed to my love of elders, my appreciation of their wit and wisdom, and the awe I feel in their presence when I visit with them. I hope and pray that we each take time during this lovely month of May to seek out an older model or mentor and spend it just enjoying some happy moments in one another's presence.
Sister Mary Thill is a Sylvania Franciscan Sister. She is Patient Liaison for Mature Health Connections at St. Vincent Mercy Medical Center. She can be reached at 419-251-3600.
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